~waiting~

waiting is a game that is heart wrenching
tugging at strings you never knew existed
leaves you breathless one second and breathing the next
imagining that someone on the horizon
feeling imaginary eyes starting at your through the glass
how i hate to wait for that second of heart wrenching bliss

~ losing the bet~

something tells me I've lost all the bets
fallen of that cliff I've been standing on
can't keep you from my thoughts its too hard
I never wanted to be afraid of the burn
give me your word and pledge to kill me slow
draw every breath from me with just a look
break the iron gates that encompass me
kiss away the bruises left over from time
hold me in your arms as i want to deny this life
fighting the powers unseen i wont be dragged down
anchored to you I've surfaced in a new world
breathing in the life your gentle eyes promise me

~Looking ~

looking into your eyes is like looking into the end of summers leaves
i can see the dark and light within its not so terrifying
with every touch I am slowly losing control of my heart
the fortress i built is crumpling like a sandcastle in the tide
a lost passion is building that moves through me like ripples on a pond
i bare my neck in a semblance of submission, I give in to this
washed away by the quiet intensity we are radiating
let me fall into you slow like a chancing of the leaves
for you'll be my sun and i could never live again if burned

peace

as your laying there my minds finally breathing
a silence so gentle rest on my beliefs
as my serene tears fall crystalline
I just know that you'll have to go
so i lay here breathing it all in
watching you laying here i hold you
and wish you dear a world so bright
the silence so gentle holding us tight
i just know that you'll have to go
walk out the door and smiling at me so
my heart will want to break
as my tears fall down this road
I know you'll have to go
but before you leave me so
hold and kiss away these fear
believe me when i say i say your so dear
I'm going, going to miss you sooooo
I'm going, going to love you sooooo
I'm going, ging to let you leave me so

answers

all these new emotions stirring
I've jumped a train i don't know where its going
pushing forward in what direction who knows
I'm holding on tightly so don't let me fall
trusting your arms to hold me as I teeter on this edge
the red string holding us together stretching so soon
your holding me tight now as i pretend to sleep
i hear those words that have broken everything, again
for the first time it feels right to just forget and accept
feel and not remember, cry without tears as it burns
ill drift now till i find the directions
riding this train down the tracks i don't see
ill just let you see the need till i know the answers

~Speaking~

your voice rings loud and clear
speaking from your gut you'll move on
giving out comfort for your efforts

how can i respond to such blunt words
so clean and clear like dew drops
I'm so lost in my own thoughts

i feel you looking for the answers
with every breath I'm reforming them
trying to express my fears and wants

your voice has me flying so high
I've wrapped myself in this new feeling
reveling in what i hope are smile

I will find these words to tell you
so hard to form in the fear of losing
ruining something not even there yet

you'll be my wish on my falling stars
that one bright dot i can see up ahead
if only i could open my mouth and speak

~New kind of silence~

sitting in a new kind of silence
head to the back of the chair i stare
i can see the little creaks widening
how my heart is beating faster now
every word breaks the plaster more
the sky is falling in around me
gone falling through the holes

Worth

you mean more than heaven
to me your my rock
the reason i live

you mean so much you could not know
my only push to continue is you
the reason i fight

you mean more than the sky
to me you bring light to my darkness
the reason i strive to be good

you mean more than all the stars
to my dreams you bring meaning
the reason i have hope and faith

you mean more than God
to me you most of my heart
the reason i love you is you

Angle without a Halo

between black and white i wander
in a grey no one knows
lost in my own imagination
void of thoughts

wandering a path set before me
unquestioning undoubted of it
welcoming the silence of my thoughts
pushing forward without vices

blending with the good and bad
unforgiving of my sins
stronger without wanting it
weaker as i don't fight against this

an angle without a halo
a devil with white wings
deceptive smiles and laughs
tears not shed held within me eyes

between black and white i wander
unforgiving of my faults
not living in any form
wanting to live in anyway

Lost to the music

the rhythms are beating through my soul
finally letting go of my chains to move
feeling my passion twirl an twist from me
the music an I becoming one entity
steps fall faster then slower intensity rising
letting every wrong and right was away in bliss
forgetting the world in a whirl of notes

Breaking it down

Another break down another day
Tears healing as they cut down my face
Scars of my pain are noticeable if you see me
They run deep in parts and shallow in others
Like the bottom of a lake I hold unknown depths
These tears represent an anguish unseen
A solid core of steel is permeable to your touch
Another break down another day
Falling down a path long not wanted
If you closely you can see me bleed in front of you
Bottling up every break down till tomorrow
Holding in the burning liquid tears
You wont see me dying because I'm already dead

Emotional Vampire

I hold a deadly secret
one that few could know
it ties me to my sins
tighter with every pass
the words i say fall flat
in my ears as i laugh

I call you when i cry
broken in need of repair
i long for attention
so its you i go to bleed
for hours we'll talk and laugh
but when i leave your dry

i hold tightly to this secret
a life outside my own
that I've made fade away
left you broken and alone
for just one night of smiles
kisses hugs and your love

i wish i would not call you
that i could shed this sin
but you let me in every time
and i bleed you dry
without you I'd be broken
yet with you I've only passed it on

Just one more

this longing to see you is painful
burning holes through every thought
biting at me every time i breath
wishing it away is no longer helping

cant you just make this stop
the after shocks of your touch
months later eating away at me
longing to see you even as your in front of me

wandering my thoughts i see you
invading every crevasse like a disease
I'm going insane with this anguish
I'd give you everything just for one more kiss

fairyland idealisms

how your words always left me breathless
yearning to understand the hidden meaning
lowering my walls to let you in

how you plucked at my heartstrings
playing me as a tool and loving it
trapped in my own walls now lost

built this tower around me to be safe
like Rapunzel's too high to ever escape
closed in a bubble of loathing and lust

how i wanted you to love me like in a fairytale
my own white knight in shinning armor gone black
trapped me within a cage to slowly fade away

Enduring Memories

I've fallen into this ocean
overwhelmed by this something that is bigger than me
i promised i would never let you in
the reminder of how you sucked my soul dry
left me to rot in my own person hell on earth
how i long to forget every word and be held again
I've always broken the promises i intended to keep
worn down by our enduring memories and touches
imperfect in our beautifully chaotic ways
so lost on our paths we refuse to see the light
i promised with a scream that I'd never fall
another promise yet broken with my shattered heart
for I've fallen into an ocean
allowing it to consume me and wishing it to love me back

Blackhole

i never stopped giving
hoping that an empty heart could be filled
the pit holes that now make it up bleed
the fresh red of a rose at the end of winter
i am left on ice to stay alive but catatonic
none of the hope i have returned
everything given ripped away by selfish ideals
this hurting flows deeper and more angry everyday
passing blood bone ans marrow down to my core
a little black place few have seen
a black hole that i have allowed to consume me
faster and faster it eats at me
soon when you take what i have none to give you will see
see the black pit behind the kind blue eyes that hold no light
notice the final mask has been flung away in attempts to breath
gone soon will be my hope, my dreams, my life
for you broke more than just a heart, but a being

Stronger

never been as weak as i was made to be
have no need for a presence to override mine
I'll outshine you all in the end

stronger than you know
tears are just an escape
fluid steel makes me stronger
that which doesn't kill me
will always make me stronger
stronger than you

passing through these road blocks
riding the waves as they come at me
watch me climb a latter you can't see

stronger than you know
anger is just an excuse
titanium reinforcements make me up
you know that what can't kill me
will only end with me stronger

I dance on the floor right in front of you
you cant touch me in anyway because i wont see you
watch as i outshine you and prove that your not worth it

strongest thing you've ever come up against
breathing out a fire you can't handle
what hasn't killed me
has made me stronger than you could ever think