2-9-15

When the wind is howling through the trees and scattering the rain across my face
I remember the times we sat in a car locked in embrace, studying our love of water
as our lips met in a quiet lingering passion, while our hands danced around
from hand in hand, to your hands tangled in my hair and caressing my neck
We were practically one person that day
so caught in a moment

now there are just invisible scars hiding under my skin
thin ones that have mended and gashed out whole where my everything was taken away
my mind see these moments in blissful pain, for the memories hurt
but bring back the bitter sweet happiness that once was felt

lying is only easy some days, others I cringe at every reminder thats
scattered like shrapnel  throughout my body
the emoticon that entails your happiness, or the fake laugh out louds
that dot a conversation that is forced and painful every second
because the words I want will never be formed

living in a walking dream, no nightmare
where every thing has a memory
from a green hill in the rain, to a window up high
my everything was poured out and nothing came back

broken and scarred with invisible cuts
the words we type bring tears, but less is worse
being left to float in limbo, forgotten
is more terrifying
than the tears
that fall

looking into myself

Coveting the dream that has been melded into my mind
of a life less burdened and a life more kind
I've sat watching in the shadows as my education fell through cracks
the people who gave up on me, and the ones that gave up everything for me

you cant fight within a system that beats you down
you cant fight a battle that is all around
because though the revolutions starts with one
it takes many to rise, to create the tide
to make change like the leaders we read about on the page
years have gone by with little being done
watching each other in harmony, while killing each other in vain
places in our boxes, kept in the circle, told that our battles are won

Desiring a heritage that is not defined as "white" because
my skin color is not me!My clothes do not make me
who i am. I just want to be.

you cant fight within a system that beats you down
you cant fight a battle unknown

...

looking int he mirror I see a face and eyes that could be a strangers
inside these eyes there are unshed tears and crinkles from smiles
lines left from hours of straining to write anything that makes sense
awareness of my changing mind and world leaving me baffled. 

contemplation in the dark

the need to let everything go comes and goes
as the pressures of the world mount
building mountains from mole hills
this need to be silent forever ebbs and flows

in the light of a full moon my tears are
invisible to everyone except my pillow
this forever fells too lonely to continue
if only I could let it all go and find bliss

the small scars that mare my body remind me
how the days pass by, but never feel happier
than those moments I want to live in
that never come to pass

the unkind thoughts that pass through my head
beat at my resolve to stay, but release is not eminent
too many tears have been invisible
silent  sobs rock me as I contemplate this life
the need to let everything go comes and goes
but the end never seems to come