heart melting

the melting and hardening of the ice around my soul is deafening
get the creaking and snapping keeps boucing off the inside of my chest
as it heaves
in and out,
out and in,
then stops
then goes
I harden this piece of me over and over again
hoping against all odds that it wont thaw
or snap or crack or whatever it is my soul is doing

like the fissures of glaciers my soul is being carved
not like the elegant sculptures but in a grotest display of defiance
out and in,
in and out,
then goes,
then stops
the very thing that makes me me is this patteren
the idea that to love you is to not have you melts my soul then quick freezes
like permafrost on the roots of the vines that your words are
resting against my soul

leeching away my need to harden myself,
in and out,
out and in,
frozen outside,
but within my soul weeps.